 It's so obvious and it's breaking my heart 2005-01-29 - 9:00 a.m. Last night I went out and told my MP that I needed him to vote Yes for Same Sex Marriage. For two reasons, obviously first because I believe in Equal Rights but secondly, perhaps less obviously, the people of Thunder Bay deserve representation in Cabinet. How much longer I'll be one of those people, I don't know. I do know that I've been here long enough to realize the uniqueness of the situation here and that makes it pretty damn important to have our voices heard at a federal level. After the rally and the town hall meeting (which I'm sorry, but that sounds like a 1900s term), we all went out and got boozed. It was a lot of fun. It also let me realize something. My girlfriend and I don't have a relationship. I don't know what you're supposed to call it, but it's been masquerading as a relationship for 3 weeks now, and it has to stop. I was sure that those feelings were so strong as a result of alcohol, and then I woke up this morning. I woke up and I realized that I was still very much in the "End this" camp, even now while I'm sober. Don't get me wrong I love her to bits and this is totally killing me to admit that it might be time to stop. I want so bad to fix things, and I tried to come up with a reason I wouldn't end it. What could she do that would make me change my mind? I didn't come up with anything overly convincing. It's going to be alright. It will be hard and I'm sure it is going to hurt like hell but eventually it will be alright. The part that hurts the most, is that I don't think this is fair to me...to leave it in my hands. If you don't want to be in a committmed relationship, for gawd sakes have the balls to get out of it. It isn't any easier for me to break up with her, I just recognize that I cannot go on like this...and I think she should too. I have been fighting coming to this conclusion and I can't fight anymore. The rest of the day is a waiting game...wait to see if she calls, try to figure out at what point I call her and ask for my keys back. Gawd I love her, and I don't want to lose her, but the truth is I already have. On that horribly painful note, I'm posting this. Ciao, Pash |