 I have the idea for Fox's next reality tv show! 2005-07-04 - 10:47 p.m. so i don't write often enough. i know that. i never write when i'm thrilled...so maybe there is some good in the fact that i'm rarely around. but i'm writing now, because i'm stuck. i'm stuck without work anywhere i want it. i'm stuck in this solo circle, dating girls all online and not ever meeting anyone i couldn't imagine living without...and i don't think that person is findable online. i'm not sure where you look for that person, but i'm pretty confident its not an online dating service. my job prospects, while existent aren't promising in terms of "settling down" and that is something i have been dying for since i was 12. At that age I didn't consider that I wanted to settle down with a woman..but that's fine, since it's not like i found her and gave her away 'cuz i thought i needed a man. What a shame that would have been. Everything that should make me thrilled just stresses me out and makes me miserable to be around. I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm lonely. I've lost touch with my best friends, all of them...and my closest friend in Thunder Bay is a complete dope addict and I'm not sure I can have her back, ever. I wonder if I'm the only one where I'm realizing my dreams and instead of being totally in awe and captivated by the idea that I'm going to do something I love, I just switch my dreams and continue to be disatisfied with what life dishes out. It really doesn't help that while my job prospects comply generally with what I want, they are not exactly what i want and the dreams, I do believe are more my parents' than my own. If I didn't need to be doing something, my life would revolve around finding the perfect girl and then finding a job I liked, which suited "our" lives. However the world just doesn't work that way. No one will finance your "i'm dedicating my life to finding the right woman" plan....maybe I should talk to Fox Television in the States, they might do it, if they can put it on tv... How humiliating would that be...."Hi, I am Alison, I've given up my job and my independance to demonstrate how un-dateable I am to a continental audience!" Pathetic...pathetic enough that it might just work...for someone else, but NOT me. Perhaps a bath would be a good thing... ciao, Pash |